Thursday, May 26, 2011

What came first The Lesbian or the Shoe ?

On my recent trip to Calistoga I couldn't help noticing the surprising amount of lesbians that trolled the streets. Tucking their Subaru keys into their Khaki cargo shorts and fumbling for one dollar bills while entering the Antique stores.

I felt like 'my people' had arrived, and yet couldn't help wondering WHY Calistoga brings Lesbians from every where to wander the streets and stare at one another.

Then I found this store. It was like Lilith herself had parted the clouds and shined down upon this Lesbian Shoe Mecca.

As I perused the isles of clogs, crocks, and crap-o-la I realized that this very store might just be the reason Lesbians flock to Calistoga. Maybe word got out around the last Xena Princess Warrior Fan Club Committee Meeting and they are ALL here for THESE shoes !!!!

Or ! Did this retailer also notice the large amount of U-hauls parked around the parameter of Calistoga and think "hmmmm, these women may need shoes to fit their lifestyle !".

Either way, I think you will agree...Calistoga, Lesbians, and shoes go hand and foot ! Enjoy Lesbians, you have found the "sensible shoes" of our people !

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Dog Park Diaries

So I take Bentley to the Dog Park today. I've told Rachel #2 before that I hate this particular Dog Park by our house, because only dysfunctional Dog Owners go there.

But every time SHE goes, she has a great experience and makes friends with everyone there. But Rachel #2 is one of those annoying people that make friends with every body when she goes anywhere, so we really can't take her word for how wonderful this particular Dog Park is !!!

I keep going back hoping that I will have a great experience there, and NOT meet people who are Looney- Tunes...but alas, this is what happened today....

I go there about 8:45 am and there are NO DOGS there. That's fine. Since Bentley will NOT leave the Dog Park until at least ONE DOG plays with him, I know that I'm obligated to sit on a bench, with him, and WAIT for ONE dog to show up.

We wait for 20 minutes !! Since I left my iphone at home I have NOTHING to do until a dog shows up. Until then, I have no one to talk to. So, finally, ONE dog shows up with an owner. Me and Bentley are SOOO excited to have someone to play with.

The Cockier Spaniel runs up to Bentley and starts to play with him. I see the owner start to approach me at the bench and I say, "Hi, how are you?". She PROMPTLY does a 180 degree turn and walks AS FAR away from me as she possibly can. WTF??? I took these pictures, mainly to prove to Rachel 2 that these things REALLY happen to me at the dog park. But then I realized that it is my obligation to warn others of Ass Hole Dog Owners at the Dog Park's. It's Not you, it's them !

This is her in the red, I know you can BARELY see her, look to the far right of the picture. She walked SO FAR away from me that you have to strain your eyes to see her. I was offended and thought, what the hell is wrong with you that you can't even say "hi " to me back? and you also walk so far away from me that you have to squat on the ground by the entrance to the Dog Park to get away from me.

I watch the two dogs play for about 10 minutes and she finally gets up and moves a bit closer to me, but not TOO close. She sits on a bench still super far from me...

I've now said Hi to her, and had her ignore me, move to the other side of the Dog Park, and smiled at her a few times, only to have her ignore me some more and pretend I'm not I give up.

All of a sudden I see this handsome man come to the dog park with his German Shepard, I've seen this guy before, he's really nice and friendly. He says Hi to me and I make small talk with him for 1 minute.

Now all of our dogs are playing together. But what happpen's next? That rude ass girl gets up off the bench! and comes over to the guy.

and starts chatting it up WITH HIM !!!

She is asking him all sorts of questions !! What breed is your dog? Where do you live? Oh my dog likes this...Oh my dog loves to play with bigger dogs.... Oh, blah blah blah

I looked on in disbelief !! WTF ! So you can't say HI to me? But when a man comes into the Dog Park you are all over his ass making conversation with him? RUDE !!

Before long the Germain Shepard and her Cocker Spaniel started fighting and growling at one another. They pulled them apart a few times but the dogs went right back to playing, then fighting, then hurting one another and growling...

So this is my opinion about Dumb Ass People and the Dogs They Own. When you meet someone who is socially retarded, chances are...their dog is the same. When you say "Hi" to a person, and they turn away from you and walk away...chances are their dog has no manners either, and you should NOT let your dog play with them.

My feelings were hurt at first that this lady refused to talk to me, but then seeing how her dog behaved...I realized BOTH of them needed training..

Monday, April 25, 2011

Bumping Ugly's

Sometimes when I am out in the world and I see two people making out
I think, "get a room".

But then if I notice that they are both hideously ugly, then I think "Ew".

But then I sigh, and think, "wow, if those two ugly son's of bitches"
can find each other,
stand the sight of one another,
and God Forbid...
KISS each other! then...
There REALLY is someone for everybody.

And that's just beautiful.

Friday, January 21, 2011

You Don't Know Ironic, Till You Know My Online Stalker !

I have this crazy musician lady. I wish I could tell you her name so bad..but there is probably some copy write law against it. She emails me through EVERY social media sight I have. Every month or so & requests me to take her music OFF of my Youtube video I made 7 months ago.

Every month I respond to her and say "look... I removed this video like 7 months ago, the first time you asked me to"....and she NEVER reply's to my email.

Yet every month I will open up Facebook, or Youtube, or Linked in, or my business email and find ANOTHER email from her requesting me to take her music off of Youtube.

EVEN THOUGH IT DOESN' T exist any longer !! UGGGG she drives me crazy!! The beauty of this is...are you ready for this??

HER BANDS NAME references a 'condition where people lose their memory', and she always behaves as if she has no idea we have ever met!!! ha ha ha ha...if that isn't IRONIC I don't know what is !!!!