What came first The Lesbian or the Shoe ?

On my recent trip to Calistoga I couldn't help noticing the surprising amount of lesbians that trolled the streets. Tucking their Subaru keys into their Khaki cargo shorts and fumbling for one dollar bills while entering the Antique stores.

I felt like 'my people' had arrived, and yet couldn't help wondering WHY Calistoga brings Lesbians from every where to wander the streets and stare at one another.

Then I found this store. It was like Lilith herself had parted the clouds and shined down upon this Lesbian Shoe Mecca.

As I perused the isles of clogs, crocks, and crap-o-la I realized that this very store might just be the reason Lesbians flock to Calistoga. Maybe word got out around the last Xena Princess Warrior Fan Club Committee Meeting and they are ALL here for THESE shoes !!!!

Or ! Did this retailer also notice the large amount of U-hauls parked around the parameter of Calistoga and think "hmmmm, these women may need shoes to fit their lifestyle !".

Either way, I think you will agree...Calistoga, Lesbians, and shoes go hand and foot ! Enjoy Lesbians, you have found the "sensible shoes" of our people !

Dog Park Diaries

So I take Bentley to the Dog Park today. I've told Rachel #2 before that I hate this particular Dog Park by our house, because only dysfunctional Dog Owners go there.

But every time SHE goes, she has a great experience and makes friends with everyone there. But Rachel #2 is one of those annoying people that make friends with every body when she goes anywhere, so we really can't take her word for how wonderful this particular Dog Park is !!!

I keep going back hoping that I will have a great experience there, and NOT meet people who are Looney- Tunes...but alas, this is what happened today....

I go there about 8:45 am and there are NO DOGS there. That's fine. Since Bentley will NOT leave the Dog Park until at least ONE DOG plays with him, I know that I'm obligated to sit on a bench, with him, and WAIT for ONE dog to show up.

We wait for 20 minutes !! Since I left my iphone at home I have NOTHING to do until a dog shows up. Until then, I have no one to talk to. So, finally, ONE dog shows up with an owner. Me and Bentley are SOOO excited to have someone to play with.

The Cockier Spaniel runs up to Bentley and starts to play with him. I see the owner start to approach me at the bench and I say, "Hi, how are you?". She PROMPTLY does a 180 degree turn and walks AS FAR away from me as she possibly can. WTF??? I took these pictures, mainly to prove to Rachel 2 that these things REALLY happen to me at the dog park. But then I realized that it is my obligation to warn others of Ass Hole Dog Owners at the Dog Park's. It's Not you, it's them !

This is her in the red, I know you can BARELY see her, look to the far right of the picture. She walked SO FAR away from me that you have to strain your eyes to see her. I was offended and thought, what the hell is wrong with you that you can't even say "hi " to me back? and you also walk so far away from me that you have to squat on the ground by the entrance to the Dog Park to get away from me.

I watch the two dogs play for about 10 minutes and she finally gets up and moves a bit closer to me, but not TOO close. She sits on a bench still super far from me...

I've now said Hi to her, and had her ignore me, move to the other side of the Dog Park, and smiled at her a few times, only to have her ignore me some more and pretend I'm not there...so I give up.

All of a sudden I see this handsome man come to the dog park with his German Shepard, I've seen this guy before, he's really nice and friendly. He says Hi to me and I make small talk with him for 1 minute.

Now all of our dogs are playing together. But what happpen's next? That rude ass girl gets up off the bench! and comes over to the guy.

and starts chatting it up WITH HIM !!!

She is asking him all sorts of questions !! What breed is your dog? Where do you live? Oh my dog likes this...Oh my dog loves to play with bigger dogs.... Oh, blah blah blah

I looked on in disbelief !! WTF ! So you can't say HI to me? But when a man comes into the Dog Park you are all over his ass making conversation with him? RUDE !!

Before long the Germain Shepard and her Cocker Spaniel started fighting and growling at one another. They pulled them apart a few times but the dogs went right back to playing, then fighting, then hurting one another and growling...

So this is my opinion about Dumb Ass People and the Dogs They Own. When you meet someone who is socially retarded, chances are...their dog is the same. When you say "Hi" to a person, and they turn away from you and walk away...chances are their dog has no manners either, and you should NOT let your dog play with them.

My feelings were hurt at first that this lady refused to talk to me, but then seeing how her dog behaved...I realized BOTH of them needed training..

Bumping Ugly's

Sometimes when I am out in the world and I see two people making out
I think, "get a room".

But then if I notice that they are both hideously ugly, then I think "Ew".

But then I sigh, and think, "wow, if those two ugly son's of bitches"
can find each other,
stand the sight of one another,
and God Forbid...
KISS each other! then...
There REALLY is someone for everybody.

And that's just beautiful.

BentleysSong.MOV

You Don't Know Ironic, Till You Know My Online Stalker !

I have this crazy musician lady. I wish I could tell you her name so bad..but there is probably some copy write law against it. She emails me through EVERY social media sight I have. Every month or so & requests me to take her music OFF of my Youtube video I made 7 months ago.

Every month I respond to her and say "look... I removed this video like 7 months ago, the first time you asked me to"....and she NEVER reply's to my email.

Yet every month I will open up Facebook, or Youtube, or Linked in, or my business email and find ANOTHER email from her requesting me to take her music off of Youtube.

EVEN THOUGH IT DOESN' T exist any longer !! UGGGG she drives me crazy!! The beauty of this is...are you ready for this??

HER BANDS NAME references a 'condition where people lose their memory', and she always behaves as if she has no idea we have ever met!!! ha ha ha ha...if that isn't IRONIC I don't know what is !!!!

naked dude.wmv

No Shoes, No Shirt, AT YOUR SERVICE !! This week was HOT in San Francisco, Ca. This man did his part to "spare the air" by wearing God's Air Conditioning - His Birthday Suit, Au Natural Baby - The San Francisco Treat !

Big Gay 10K Run_0001.avi

What I did today. Acted as a HUMAN ONE MILE MARKER for the BIG GAY 10K Run. I added singing, motivational speaking, and jazzercise into my volunteer duties. Somewhere the word GAY is saying to a friend, now THAT'S Gay !!!

naturally beautiful nightlife.wmv

Nightlife was filled with soothing bodywork, dazzling body art, and enough aromatherapy to adjust your Chakra's and even your Chakra Khan ! Explore the bath and body world of "Naturally Beautiful Nightlife" from July 8th and find out what its like to sniff too much Peppermint Essential Oil.....

June 17th Physics Circus.avi

crazy hits the road.MP4

Fire Water and Sea Sponge Penis.wmv

bike-o-rama Nightlife.avi

That's What She Said !

Oh My Nightlife serves up quite a wiener. Not your average Frank, this meat sleeve is worth your money ! Yum-o !

Going Down

Some one needs a flo bee !!! This man in the elevator used to have long straight hair until entering the Rain Forest exhibit. Now look at him ! and the lady to the right of him USED to be 6 feet tall !!! She forgot she was 'dry clean only' before entering the Rain Forest.

GLEE: Sue's Corner - Sneaky Gays

May 6 2010_0001.avi

"Nightlife" Happy Earth Day.avi

Party Animal

Right after the ‘Big Bang’, men began to contemplate combining their inner geek with arousing night life. The California Academy of Sciences finally cracked the code by luring science loving masses with hot dance music, spirited cocktails, and some ‘book learnin’ thrown in. Everyone likes your brains, but when your brains are holding a beer, no one can resist you! “Nightlife“ at the CAS on Thursday nights, exhibits education without the boring stigmatism of being called “intellectual”. Indricotherium lovers raise your glass, in honor of the perfect fusion of sci-fi and sexy!

The temptation of “Nightlife” is the right blend of wild animals mixed with booty shaking beats. It’s like taking a trip to Vegas for the night without the regrets, or empty bank account the next morning. The people who attend are as diverse as the creatures they have come here to explore. Mission Hipsters, Tree Huggin’ Hippies, Marina Socialites, Bridge and Tunnel commuters, and fun lovin’ Castro crowds all mix under the hypnotic DJ rhythms. Come with your regular friends, or come to meet fresh, newly laundered friends! “Great night!” Says Maggie of SOMA, “I think I'll do it again next week!” Everyone looks better with a cosmic cocktail, strobe lights and a pulsating dance floor under their feet.

This is a great event to impress your out of town guests with as well! San Francisco sites are known for chameleon like transformations from day to night. After the sun goes down, we have café’s that turn into art galleries, bars that turn into comedy club’s, but who knew that the CAS could transform into a party paradise? During “Nightlife”, the roof top at the California Academy of Sciences leaves an endless canopy of real life, little stars above your head. For those of us who don’t have telescopes embedded in our ocular lobes yet, the CAS has provided a mammoth one for you to view those tiny stars.

Follow me for the next three months as a 'Scene Insider' for the Ca. Academy of Science. I will be reviewing the Social Scene, the DJ's, and Thursdays "Nightlife" event for your amusement and mine.

Say It Don't Spray It

As a frequent flyer of coffee, books, and free Wi-Fi, I have been spending alot of time at Borders Cafe lately (in SOMA if you want to stalk me). I have come to realize that there is so much more going on at this cafe than internet blind dates and Mexican nannies with small White babies...

There are also an insane amount of white collar business people at the cafe who come here to FIGHT with one another. It's FANTASTIC! I have sat here just this morning now for 1.5 hours and have beared witness to TWO arguments already.Some are quick little spats, but sometimes you get lucky and have voyeuristic pleasure for hours...

For instance, two 20-something year old co-workers ordered coffee, while they stood across from the condiment counter pouring non-fat milk into their espresso's one says to the other one,

"Even IF I hadn't forwarded your email to him, I would have still suggested to him that you needed to work on your approach"
"That's not what I am saying, that's not what I am saying, I understand why you did it but don't tell me one thing and do another"
"I'm trying to help you, dude, help YOU"
"I'm the one who decides that NOT YOU! That's NOT your job"
They stood across the counter from one another evil eye, to evil eye- by now several of us had begin to stare...
"Hey, do you maybe want to go for a walk?"
"ya, that's cool"

So as I sit here now, writing this, there are two very big boned women in business suites who have excused themselves from the table of four across the room, to come over to the condiment table to have a 'pissed off at you', 'in your face' argument.

You can't ask for anything better, really. This saves me from having to strain my ears to hear them on the other side of the room !! It's kinda like a 3D Reality Show because they have now moved so close to me I can actually see the spit flying out of their mouths as they begin to go from a heated whisper to a full voice.

"Remember that *I* am your manager"
"I will *not* sit here and have you talk to her like that"
"I will talk however I WANT in order to get the project completed"
"You don't like her, we all know you JUST don't like her, we all like her, you don't like her"
"I don't like the quality of her work, and yes I think she could put more effort into her job"
"So you admit, you don't like her"
"This is not productive, don't talk to me like that, I am NOT your friend, I am your manager"

Both turn away from one another and return across the room to the two other women they are with. DAMN !! Now I have to really strain to hear them. I do things like stretch in my chair while turning my head a bit to the left, I act like I am looking out the window, I turn my laptop a bit more angeled towards them....

Within minutes, Ms. "*I* am your Manager" is now raising her voice to all women at the table.
"I am who I am, and I am *not* going to change, I am stressed, I have alot of work to do, I need my team to work with me. A 7 hour day, with a 1 hour lunch break everyday is NOT going to cut it with me ! You have worked here 18 months, that is not long enough to prove YOURSELF!"

The argument continue's on with two earlier spitting women explaining the "chain of command" to the 'girl manager does not like'.

Second spitting woman says, "If I ask you to do something, and then Rebecca asks you to do something then yes, Rebecca's work takes priority because, she is a higher rank than me... but then you must communicate with me that you have put MY work off to do Rebecca's work, and tell me how long it will take you to get back to MY work"

Manager (who we now know is Rebecca) pipes in,
"I think that I am a bit aggressive, I know you've heard that I'm hostil, my tone of voice is not like yours, I *can* get more aggressive, but I chose not to. So I don't care what you have heard about me, or what you think you know about me, I am the manager and I decide what gets done. YOUR SHOW-MAN-SHIP IS SH*T !!

When she says this her voice is raised now which is helpful so I don't have to look at her to hear her, but now I feel My Stomach get shakey like she is yelling at me too. Flashbacks of what it was like to work at corporate and have three bosses are coming back to me and I struggle to defend myself and want to help 'girl manager doens't like'.

Manager continues, "The showroom looks like sh*t, no one can buy that sh*t, what is wrong with you? Why don't you ask for help? Why am I the fulltime housekeeper here? I have a team of people who are supposed to work with me, and everything is dirty, messy, and filthy. Who's responsibility is that? IS! IT! *MINE* ?"

OMG it's so uncomfortable right now...
Dead Silence...Crickets....No Talking....Is this MIC on?
Someone tell her who's responsibility it is so we can ALL get through this meeting !!!

'girl manager does not like' is statue - like, chewing gum at rapid speed, with one arm draped behind the back of her wooden chair like "I really don't give a sh*t, just get over yourself" (an attitude which might be what caused this entire 'sit down' in the first place). But I can't help but feel sorry for 'girl manager doesn't like', with these women sitting down with her talking AT her for over an hour now, she must feel totally ganged up on. Hell, I FEEL ganged up on just listening to it.

I don't think 'girl manager doesn't like' has said more than one word during this whole debate, and the poor Chinese lady at the table looks completely disinterested and couldn't give a Crap what all these fat-assed, white ladies are so angry about. She just stares blankly at all of them, with a note pad she has not written on, staring out the window ....probably contemplating when the next number 30 Stockton bus is coming.

Finallly the Chinese lady says to 'girl manager doesn't like', "look, are you willing to change your attitude"? Dead Silence..no talking....uncomfortable.

This situation may never get resolved. I say we all meet back here tomorrow at 12pm and continue it then....

Meds-mory Lane

I was reminded of my crazy ass boss from a few years ago who used to talk NON stop. Before her "meds" kicked in to calm her down she would arrive to work and CORNER me in my office and talk my F'ing EAR OFF !

She would tell me any story that came to mind and talk so fast and tell me the same god damn stories over and ...over and over...and like, she was my BOSS so what are you going to say?

She'd be like, "did you finish that thing I gave you?" and I'd be like "not yet" and she would be all, "why?, I gave you plenty of time" and I wanted to say, "look ass hole if you weren't in my office *all up in my grill* with your dumb ass stories I could get some work done and meet your deadlines, you F'ing MORON"....but again, she was my boss so I would just be like, "you're right, I will get right on that !" .....dumb bitch....